7hb atau 8hb Februari 2011

Saya tidak ingin berkongsi sesuatu yang peribadi. Namun ini mungkin boleh jadi iktibar. Malam ini saya banyak menangis kerana saya mengenang bagaimana nasib saya kalau saya mati nanti. Hari ini saya rasa saya telah kesan satu tanda 100 hari sebelum kematian. Petang tadi lepas Asar saya menggigil kesejukan. Tadi saya nampak muka saya di cermin macam mayat. Hati saya berdetik memikirkan mati. Betul atau tidak saya tidak pasti. Tapi saya cukup takut dengan sakitnya mati, azab kubur dan api neraka. Bukan kerana saya cintakan dunia. Itu jauh sekali. Saya terkenang orang- orang yang saya kenali yang telah meninggal dunia. Antaranya bapa saya dan guru kelas saya ketika tingkatan 5 dulu. Apa khabar mereka? Mati itu pasti. Sakitnya tidak boleh dibahagi dan tidak boleh dikongsi. Hati saya cukup bimbang. Saya mencongak jika hari ini 100 hari lagi saya mati, maka bila saya akan mati? Saya mencongak 100 hari selepas hari ini. Jawapannya 7/02/2011. Jika dikira hari esoknya selepas 100 hari, maka 8/02/2011. Saya tahu saya perlu mulakan sekarang. Saya patut buat amal kebajikan dan saya patut minta maaf dengan semua orang. InsyaALLAH...

Sharing..

Sharing means caring..But, whenever the person who you want to share with doesn't want to share with you, better don't. We all have our honour right? It is the same as love. Love is meaningful when we share but it doesn't we have nothing to share. Time goes by and nothing we can do to return to the previous point. Just accept what we have at this moment. People change and that's the fact. For a moment I think about this. Nothing can be shared between two persons when they are too obviously different. Some people may not agree with me but this is all happen around me. If the situation is like this: I love you but the person that you love the most is the person who I hate the most. What we can do? Nothing to share. Love is useless. So, better shut up.

Perfectionist

Am I a perfectionist? My friends keep telling me that I am a perfectionist. But I do not agree with that idea. It drove me to have a perfectionism quiz. The result made me really astonish because it said that I am a perfectionist. From that moment, I had realized who I am. Then, I started to find more information about perfectionist and how to overcome the perfectionism behaviour. This essay will bring you to know better about a perfectionist.

            Who is a perfectionist? Many people do not know who perfectionist is actually. Perfectionist is someone who expects much more from himself beyond the normal standards. He usually sets very high standards for himself that he never meets and so ends up with degraded self confidence. A perfectionist usually feels stressful and disappointed when he fails to reach the goal that he made. He always cannot control his emotion and cannot relax. Besides that, this kind of person always looked unhappy and moody. So, now can you notice any perfectionist around you?

            Many perfectionists do not realize that they are actually a perfectionist as what mentioned before. This is because they do not know the common manners of a perfectionist. The main attitude of a perfectionist is he sets high goal. Basically this person is really ambitious. He has a high motivation to get the goal. He only focuses to the result but not the journey towards it. For him all the effort is returnable even if he has to scarify his energy, time and even feeling. No matter how hard to achieve the goal, he will do it. This is how he easily gets stress. The stress will increase if he fails to achieve the goal. He will very depress and cannot forgive himself for doing mistakes. This will cause low self- esteem. He is too worried and afraid to failure. He has no confidence to do anything that he ever failed in or he think he cannot do perfectly. He will compare himself to other persons who are better than him. He believes that people evaluate him for his achievement. This is also a reason why a perfectionist has difficulty in getting close to other people. Besides that, he cannot accept any criticism from other people. For him it is a kind of personal attack. This makes him a very sensitive person.

            As an ambitious person, a perfectionist always wants to be the best. From the effort view, they are approximately same as the high achievers. But actually they are not the same. A high achiever still can accept mistakes, failures, problems and imperfections that he had done. He still can forgive himself and think positively. But a perfectionist cannot. For him all of these are disasters that must be avoided. He is very afraid to try a new thing. That is why a perfectionist has lack of skills compared to the higher achiever. Besides that, he also tends to be pushed towards his goals by a fear of not reaching them. He will never feel happy until the goal is reached. But for the high achiever, he is pulled towards their goals by a desire to achieve them. He will be happy with any steps made in the right direction.

            Actually, it is hard to live as a perfectionist because he is unhappy with his life. Perfectionism is a kind of mentally thinking and a life philosophy for a perfectionist. It is difficult to be broken down. However, there are still several ways to fix this behaviour. Firstly, a perfectionist must realize that it is undesirable behaviour. By having this behaviour, life will be so complicated and out of joy. We must realize and know our ability. Set a realistic goal so that we will not over disappoint if we fail. We must appreciate our effort and grateful for what we have. Learn to gain satisfaction from our achievement. We might not be able to do the thing perfectly but at least we do the best we can. Focusing to the process to reach the goal would be better than just focusing to the result. It will bring so much fun in our life. Next, confront the fear of failure. Everyone makes mistakes because we are human being. Therefore, failure is not a big deal or the end of the world. If we fail today and being insulted, next day it might not be the same again. The last one is learn to deal with criticism. This is the biggest challenge for a perfectionist. It is not easy to accept peoples’ criticism. But, as long as we can think positively, the criticism will not spoil us. In a different way, it will make us a better person.

            As a conclusion, perfectionism gives more badness than goodness. Life is not about being perfect. It is about continuing to try. It is about rising challenges, not avoiding them. If we do not take any risk, we will never face the test of failure and we will not accomplish success either. So, if you are perfectionist better try to change your principle from now on. This is a reminder for me too. No one is perfect. The imperfection makes the variation. The variation makes the beauty that gives joy. Life will be so boring if everything is perfect. Who wants to watch movie without any conflict? Life is also like that.